Sunday, February 25, 2018

why do people tell me "don't cry" when perhaps all I need at the moment is to cry
why have we weakened to the point of tears being the point of broken when perhaps they are part of healing

i asked a friend of mine if it was wrong of me to be sick of grieving. she told me "no. grief is exhausting" it is. oh friend, it is. the fear in grief seems to grip so hard and so tight that my body tenses. i shake and sob and call into work, giving into fear. giving into grief? idk.

i do know that God isn't in fear. and that He is with me. that He will give me strength. That He will guide me. that He will comfort me.

i know this but sometimes fear wins. is that ok?

grief isn't what people think it is until they live through it. it's like "wait. this isn't real. what do you mean..." it's an evil, wicked, joke every time. Sometimes you're expecting death but lets get real. who cares. like that even matters.

when you deal with grief, you still smile and laugh. others don't expect that. for me, grief is much more of a random flash of blank. it's like a very deep memory has come. it's like grief. but it flashes through. and again. and again. grief for me is sorted out through my dreams where i wake up sobbing. it's not being able to let go. yes. very much that.


[don't worry tho. I am okay - just writing out feelings here]


  1. girl I get us. like I just heard that my sisters bio grandma is dying of advanced cancer. she disappeared for a while and I got bitter towards her thinking that she didn't care but she just moved. I feel so awful. she isn't saved.. but grief hits me randomly..when memories from before I was adopted come and all that's happened to me.. but I getchu

  2. "grief is much more of a random flash of blank. it's like a very deep memory has come. it's like grief. but it flashes through. and again. and again."

    Yes. so much yes.
    praying for you friend.
    praying you'll find rest under Jesus' wings.

  3. Only a person who has truly lost someone, and deals with grief could ever understand these words. Grief never stops. People think it goes away after a while, but it never does. Sometimes it's a whisper, sometimes a screaming, ripping pain. It's always there. But the peace of God, knowing we'll see them again. That's what gets us through. That's why we can laugh and smile during a painful time of grieving. Christ has given us His peace and love. <3 <3
    It tugs at my heart, and hurts me.... Because I know.
    Prayers for you. <3 <3

  4. beautifully tru my friend. Sometimes crying is what helps the healing process along, bc if we don't let stuff out then it will build and build inside of us and then make our feelings worse. don't try to hide yourself my beautiful girl, for anything that is beautiful has often been broken <3

  5. SO BEAUTIFUL. So sorrowful. So bittersweet.
    Grief is the thing that gives us appreciation, it shows us what we have. It gives us perspective on emotions -- it's all of them squished and twisted into one. You're mad. You're happy of the times you experienced. You're bitter. But you know that God is with you. It's like a battle...but it's already won, girlfriend, Satan is fighting a battle that is already one. The Devil wants to poison your memories with hatred and spite and unfairness, but don't let him. Remember the good times, then rejoice that you had them.

  6. I feel like crying now.
    I loved this beyond words.
    Love you!! *sobs on your shoulder*

  7. Praying for you, my friend <3

  8. I have not recently lost anyone through death, although that has indeed happened. But I have recently had friends torn away, through the selfish stupid actions of others. Innocent bystanders like my friends and I being hurt in the process. This world is cruel and wicked, but God is good and merciful. That's hard to remember but so true. And I, too, am sick of grieving, for it is, indeed, 'exhausting'.

  9. That last paragraph- you absolutely nailed it on the head. But the whole thing is so just so true. Thank you for these words, and hope you are especially aware of His grace and strength in this time. xx


dude you make my day with comments *wipes tear dramatically* *gives you a hug*