i want to let go
but i can't seem to
the hold on me is too great
the battle is larger than i can fight
my fists are ready
im unprepared to fight
but im ready to try
lashes come from each corner
it becomes useless to move anymore
all i can do is let go
my fists relax
they seem to melt
back into hands which now can be
held
by a large
and loving
Hand
i don't really know him
but i met him
not formally mind you
we didn't shake hands
but a greeting was said
and sometimes
that is enough
his name is William
a fine
solid name
he wore thick overalls
with a light wash jean jacket
he didn't look old
but he said he felt it
eighty - two
he told me to never get old
i smiled
cause sometimes i feel old already
he sat in silence
breathing heavy and hard
his heart was aging as well
he asked me the date
he couldn't remember the year
but yet
he had manners
he had class
respect and a smile
his own momma
had taught him well
he didn't forget that
so posh the date
posh the year
William talked to me
he told me a story in a few minutes
he left a lasting impact because
he let me talk
he smiled back
and he said
goodbye when he left
the room felt empty when he did
i miss him already
just cause people don't say it
doesn't mean they don't think it
that
you are cute
you are fun
you are smart
you've got this
these things people mean
but don't say
but should
and
just cause they do say things
like
you're ugly
you aren't smart
you failed
doesn't mean it's true
cause a lot of the time
that person is jealous
so lift your chin
smile
cause girl
you're cute
you're fun
you're smart
girl
you've got this
i was walking
he was walking
we did the little dance
where you can't get around someone
so you dance
we laughed
i went home
he went home
years went by
i graduated
he graduated
i got a job caring for the elderly
the old man there told me of his grandson
and how he always would come
and bring him stories
which he had written
just for him
i kept working
he went to college
for literature and writing
when asked what inspired him to write
he would shrug
and say his grandpops
who would tell him stories when he was young
the stories stuck
the memories did too
so he had to write them
people would smile
i continued working
he continued studying
one day
i was walking down the hall
and he was walking
we did the little dance
i remembered
he remembered
"come in grandson, i want you to meet my favorite nurse."
we both locked eyes
our paths had crossed again
and at our wedding
we danced
all night long
under the stars
just him and me
i wonder
had i ever seen you before
did we ever lock eyes
and forget
did you ever walk through the doors
after i exited
and we didn't know
did you know the people i know
and somehow
we never met
well now we can make up for the lost time
now i can rush into you arms
at the slightest sight of your smile
cause now i know
who you are
and you're my friend
so we can't ever go back
we can never exit the same doors
without knowing
cause now we are stuck
we are friends
and geesh
let's not go back
he never told me that he was dying
that his life was ending
that soon
he wouldn't be around anymore
cause he was leaving
going to a place where he had booked a ticket for
a long time ago
i didn't know
how could i
all the things he did
and said
seemed normal
so i still got angry
had fights
said things i never should have said
because i didn't know
what if i had known
it would have been different
i know that
but why is it
that we don't truly see until
what we love
is gone
i saw a monster in you
a something
that needed to be set loose
but you held onto it
cause you felt safe
somehow
with the monster
it was because
it was what you knew
the monster had brainwashed you
you came to the place where
the monster was your friend
you loved
you still love
what is slowing killing you
the thing that you hold so dear
is draining you
its a monster
yet you love it
why is this
i cry
because i miss you
i cry
because you changed me
the road you walked on
crossed with mine
i switched paths
and now im here
it isn't so bad
i still miss you
i still cry
sometimes i dream that you're here
waiting to chat
waiting to laugh
waiting to sip tea again
but i awake to reality
it's harsh and unforgiving
somehow ive moved on
so much has happened
i wouldn't know where to start
if i could
maybe i would just cry
because i do
because i still need to
because tears aren't empty
they're full
of life
of love
of sadness
of memories
they're both salty and sweet
but they are mine
for keeps
cause i want them
