the quiet speaks

have you ever listened to the
silence
did you know that the quiet
speaks
have you ever tried watching the wind
dance
did you know that shadows
aren't empty
have you ever closed off
everything
only to hear volumes of noise
you didn't know were there
did you know that
yes
all this is true
and that
yes
i feel this too

basically my thought process of trying to show perspective 

apart

you know that moment
when
you're crying too hard
too deep
much to real of a sob
to hear
to feel
to notice
anything else
because
your body is shaking
your heart is splitting
because
that one person
has left
the realization
of a spot
that
can never be filled again
and is now
empty
hurts much to much
to do
anything
but cry

still remembering

talking walls

i used to think that
hospital walls
looked so white
and empty
almost too clean
to even touch
but now
i see them differently
have you ever thought
of all the people
who have cried
for the loss
of a loved one
those walls
hold a story
that not even i
could tell you

just something i remembered from awhile back

v a n i s h

days seem to fly by faster
they seem to disapear in a blink now
what happened
did i grow up
did i misunderstand
that
yes
i would change
i think
i wasn't told something
maybe i didn't want to listen
but now
i see the sun set
it seems to happen a lot faster now
then it did
when i was a kid
it
like the sun
has vanished
below the horizon
that's it
it happened
im not a kid anymore

*cries* im trying to fight this

super moon

i was once asked a question
it was a
what do you think
kind of question
here
i'll tell you what it is
'what do you think the moonlight smells like?'
and i sat there
dumbfounded
because i had never thought of it
i suppose
it's like
the smell of the dew in the morning
because that's what the moonlight
left behind
maybe
just maybe mind you
the moonlight smells like a million
smiles
all wrapped up
into a ball of laughter
combined with a joyous event
on the most beautiful day of the year
when your family is together
and your friends near
yes
that's what moonlight smells like

was legit asked this question by her - she said she knew i would understand. inspirational material right there

that hope

sometimes
i look up
and my heart skips a beat
because
i thought
just maybe
that it was you
i try to tell myself
to give up
because i know
that you are far far away
but i still do it
my heart still skips that beat
because what if
what if
one time
it really was you

this is based off how i react often when i think i see someone who looks like my adopted grandma

g l i m p s e

his face
it was only a glimpse
but it was enough
i knew
it was something in the wrinkles
in the way he sat
on the walmart bench
alone
looking rather
forlorn
but not lost
it was the eyebrows
i've never seen any like
they were white
bushy
and somehow
it that glimpse
he knew

a friend asked me what he knew - at that's just it. idek

my neverland

neverland
is a true place
for me at least
it's in the air
when i stand just so
and let the wind blow in my face
just like it did
when i was a carefree
tree climbing
wild imagination traveler by day
and vivid reader by night
ten year old
it's when i remember
the moments
of true childhood
with my sisters
we laugh
returning to neverland
where our secrets are kept
our memories stored tight
ready to be unlocked when we need them
neverland for me
is everywhere
and nowhere

literally think this is the most real thing ive ever written and felt 

i cant but you can

you know that feeling
when you no longer know
if yes means yes
or no means no
when you no longer know
if you can do it
or if you can't
when you can't decide
you can't move
you just want to cry
you just want to sleep
every moment is lived unsure
undecided
incomplete
what's holding you back
think
why are these feelings
taking over your life
don't let them
steal you joy
don't let them win in the end
be victorious
fight
you can do it
i know you can

basically wrote this at 1 am the other night bc it's exactly what im dealing with

right or wrong

what if
i end up doing more wrong
than right
in this situation
where i was able to see
but not asked for advice
so i stayed quiet
i wanted to scream
to shout that the fact was true
real
that why can't you see what's happening
why can't you see the end result
but i didn't
because i wasn't asked
was that wrong
im not sure

sometimes i feel like this...do you?