REAL ME RIGHT NOW

I've grown up an awful lot this year. It's a different kind of growing though. I'm still 5'3. and boy, that isn't changing in the near future. I still love the sound of wind shield wipers, making apple pie, slapping paint on walls, summer (dude. for reals. I love it even more), the click of a seat belt, counting all my books, ice cream...you know, all the little weird things I talk about that make people laugh and me happy.

but I'm growing up. which is something I've fought for years. You'll know that if you've followed me for some time. I'm not grown up. but I am growing. huge difference there folks.

I feel braver (in a scared sort of way)
I feel a little less unsure of myself which means I'm more sure of myself which is a good thing. if I'm careful and not cocky.
I'm ok with being me - even tho people laugh at me cuz they don't get me. (tbh I don't either. I'm just rolling with it)

I'm growing less afraid of growing. ask my best friend. she'll know what I'm talking about.
also God made me aware of a lot of things. like sobbing breakdowns can be a good thing - speaking from experience, i promise.

it's a weird thing to be a human. that might sound utterly creepy and odd to you, but if you think about the complexity of what we deal with on a day to day basis, you might just agree. like what else has to deal with car insurance, friend conflicts, figuring out what to order at Arby's, or job interviews. it's just a fact. this is what we've been given. this is life for humans.

and we humans make it even more complicated.

so maybe I'm speaking nonsense. btw, I really love that you guys are okay with my basically essay poems over here. should I do more?

xxxxx

[p.s. huge shoutout to Hanne T for being my 70th follower! thanks for helping me hit that mark on the last day of 2017 <3333]