cant breathe

tonight
i miss the stars
they usually hang above me
silently
but tonight
i can't see them
i look to no avail
there is a thick blanket
covering them
and for some reason
i suddenly feel enclosed
like I can't breathe
i need the stars
or else
i might vanish
too

i legit look out my window every night to make sure they're there *coughcough*

pain in life

he was just a boy
but his father shoved him
into being
a man
the pace of the maturity
mixed between the yearning for love
stifled any and every
relationship he had
he tried to shrink back
hide in the shadows
look tough
to be tough
blocking out feelings wasn't enough
they had to disappear
he had to forget them
he didn't want to smile
just in case his armor
would crack
but the boy
who was forced to be a man
did smile
the armor did break
and that's when the true
him
sparkled through
but quickly
it would vanish
because i think
he was afraid
of being
hurt
yet again

the story of someone i met once a long time ago

love isn't a feeling

love is about trusting
love is putting yourself out there
spending every moment
with that one
about being
in love
or is it
what about the couple
who never said "i love you"
they walked down the aisle
vows were made
and kept
they were blessed with five babies
one of which
passed out of their arms into heaven
much too quickly
the sorrow was deep
but they pressed on
because they had to
the days were lived together
it wasn't easy
but they did it
at 88 they were old
tired
and they passed away together
holding hands
their daughter spoke at their funeral
"mom and dad
they lived love"
and you see
love can't be a feeling
because if it was
they wouldn't have survived

bc we were talking about love - and this was my definition of it 

m e

there's something in me
that i can't hold back
can't hold down
can't smother
ive tried to tame it
to teach it to behave
but over and over again
it comes back
you see
i think
that is
im afraid
that it is
me

plz tell me that im not alone in this 

you're struggling

you're dealing with it
the pain
the dejection
the daily grim
i can see that
i can see your struggle
it's too much to carry
you mumble over and over again
that you can do it
but what if
now hear me out
what if
you can't

don't know where that came from - maybe one of you needed it??

your choice

sometimes
people are heartless
when they don't mean to be
they let the words slip
and you stand there
dumbfounded by what you heard
you're given two choices
to lash out
or to love
they both bring their own hardships
but you get to choose
you pick
now you get to be the heartless one
if you wish to be
so decide
what will it be

so many times this has happened to me 

heartbeat

have you ever heard
a heart beat
stop
have you ever been in a room
when someone
takes their last
breath
have you ever heard
the sound of a infant
still in the mothers womb
the pounding
of life
it echoes of joy
these sounds
they go hand in hand
life and death
death and life
both are beginnings
just of different paths

i'll never forget the sound of life 

nor of death 

j o y

i laugh a lot
for no good reason
sometimes
i just catch myself doing it
and then i grin
and keep on laughing
cuz im happy
im blessed
loved
and suddenly im laughing
for a good reason

because someone once said i was too happy 

so i kept on laughing

*smirks*

the blueberry man

he just isn't the type
you can forget
you see
his beard
was much too white
he's eyes
much too kind
he tried to seem gruff
but to me
he wasn't
he always looked the same
except he changed
when his wife
became sick
he seemed to be sad
more tired
a little
older
and before i knew it
he was gone
his wife joined him
months later
the countless days
the many many decades
that they had spent together
and one had to wait
he's the blueberry man
you see
his pipe smelled of sweet smoke
the blueberries tasted of his care
blueberries aren't the same anymore
because the blueberry man
is gone

true story - true human - real man - real friend

plus real feelings = this poem

can't go back

the words just
slipped out
you try to grasp them
to pull them back
to where they had come from
but you can't
the look you receive
penetrates your soul
it hurts
you didn't mean to say them
it just
happened
but now what
the eyes
they've changed
you cant go back
only forward
you step closer
but can feel the words
between you both
an "im sorry"
won't cut it
you can't take the words back
now what

legitimate feels from many a time.. *sighs*